EXAMPLES OF FAULTS
I will give you an example, My wife and I have been looking for a new car and even though I cannot drive at the moment I get told that I will not drive that car as I am too messy. I found that really offensive but at the same time I started to look at myself and I have to agree with her, as I Can be messy at times. This may not be saying that rubbish would be in the car just not tidy and keeping the car clean.Another example that I know is a fault of mine is that I find myself after my surgery as being very explosive. Everyday I wake up and first thing I see is the cut where the surgeons botched up leaving ne dead for a few minutes. This makes me very angry and I have to try to find reasons why I should not go up to the hospital and beat the shit out of them, for doing this to me! Where in actual fact I need to get over this and leave what has happened in the past, instead of carrying it forward, as this anger is a bad disease that will just eat me up. What I should really be doing is waking up and focus on the positive things like my gym and therapy that will give me a better chance of finding my way back as I still feel quite lost.
DWELLING ON NEGATIVES
Dwelling on negatives is very easy to do whereas concentrating on positives is hard for me to do as I keep getting reminded of all that has happened to me. So this is an issue I really need to work on but I do not think I can or could forgive these individuals, as there is no re-address or compensation these surgeons have to pay to me. Instead I have to go on living in constant pain daily whereas for the surgeons it is like water off a ducks back, as they can go on as if nothing has happened.There are some faults that I have that are very easy to change for the better that I am doing now but there are some that will take a bit more time and a lot of soul searching before I can forgive and move on. I have a piece of paper on my wall with my faults I see in myself and tick off the ones I have rectified. The anger in me is very high and no matter how hard I try, at this present point in time it is very hard for me to think about forgiveness and moving on.
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